“The story is all wrong,” former FEMA housing inspector Vince Koley called yesterday to tell me. “Tom Kramer is not what he’s cracked up to be. He’s lying.”

Vince Koley

Koley, 74, is accused of hitting Kramer, a Penford Products employee, with a golf club during an argument last Thursday and trying to run him over with his vehicle. He takes the most umbrage at the police reporting he actually told Kramer “I don’t have to slow down, I’m with FEMA” during their confrontation at the 10th Avenue SW crosswalk outside the plant. “I never said that,” he said.

But the golf club, well, that happened. “He was coming toward me, not walking away,” Koley said.

Two messages he left me yesterday morning, though…interesting. “Ran into somebody, laugh for the day, he said to me ‘Are you that famous FEMA inspector? You should be on the David Letterman show.’ I said, ‘No, I don’t like David Letterman. I want to be on the Jay Leno show.’ You may not think that’s funny but that’s my type of humor.”

“Any way you could do an article on me like a Barbara Walters interview? … Listen, I had a thought. If we just put it on the Internet and not in the local paper, we can explain what really happened, like what really happened from the horse’s mouth, some catchy title we can put on. We can charge for each hit, to pay for some of the damages I’m suffering.” It’s true, Koley did lose his job over the incident.

I feel for the guy, but we’re not Dateline NBC. We couldn’t afford to pay people to talk to us if we wanted to. Yet they still talk.

Kramer hasn’t returned my phone messages yet.

(P.S. — This pic was snapped on the go by the Cedar Rapids PD. Since our jail is closed here, we haven’t had access to mug shots. How sad.)